What if Aamir Khan ventured into Hollywood? Who would he be compared with? What if Lindsay Lohan did a Hindi item number? Saahil Dama brings to you a list of some Hollywood stars with their Bollywood equivalents.

Leonardo DiCaprio – Aamir Khan

Caprio and Aamir can be termed as the two smartest and most prolific people in their respective industries. While Caprio, as an actor, has cult classics like Titanic, The Aviator and The Departed to his name, Aamir isn’t far behind with movies like Dil Chahta Hain, Lagaan and Rang De Basanti glued firmly on his work profile. The two are also responsible, adult citizens as proven by the The 11th Hour, the death-bell about global warming by Caprio, and Peepli Live, Aamir’s satirical yet enlightening take of farmer suicides. In fact, the similarities are so uncanny, that both have even separated with long time partners at least once in their lives!

Only one was intentional!

Only one was intentional!

 

Verdict: Aamir Khan because he has a plethora of varying roles while Caprio mainly sticks to the angst-ridden young man persona.

Bruce Willis – Salman Khan

 If there is anything that beats Bruce Willis’s Die Hard franchise in terms of adrenaline pumping and unstoppable action, it is probably Salman’s latest sequence of blockbusters that have repeatedly being knocking human intellect out. But this seems to be happening only in recent times. There were days when both Willis and Khan used to be loved for the right reasons. Seeing Willis on screen actually used to make you believe that he could save the world, while Salman was just a well-built, stereotypical good ol’ Casanova meant to please the audience. Unfortunately, they both have moved over their primes as actors. Someone seems to have mixed too much crack in their drinks they have gone bonkers, which is well proven by the fact that Willis is in the process of filming Die Hard 5 and The Expendables 2, while Salman’s biceps, crotch and occasionally Salman himself are dancing to the tune of Ek Tha Tiger.

Creepy bald guy versus creepy dog kisser

Creepy bald guy versus creepy dog-kisser

 

Verdict: I’d give it to Willis because he actually seems to know that he is making shit action movies nowadays while Salman thinks that his flicks are the absolute benchmark of what action is meant to be.

Megan Fox – Katrina Kaif

Turns out females are at it too. Megan Fox and Katrina Kaif are cinema’s go-to women when someone needs the just-stand-there-and-smile-act. With their ‘hawtness’, even barely passable acting skills suffice pleasing the drooling audience. While Fox showed just how robotic she could get in her role in the Transformers franchise (by acting worse than the machines themselves), Kaif has been doing it repeatedly in Singh is Kinng, Welcome and the recent Mere Brother Ki Dulhan. Honestly, I think they should stick to being mannequins in Victoria’s Secret or something because that is where their real skills lie.

They are ‘hawt’ even in stone!

 

 Verdict: Megan Fox. *drool*

Brad Pitt – Shah Rukh Khan

I am writing this entirely from the perspective of someone else; not my own, I am a big Brad Pitt fan. Both these actors having debuted a long time before my birth, have cemented their names in the film industry ever since. They have played roles spanning from dangerous gunmen (Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Don respectively) to offbeat protagonists (Fight Club and Devdas) and superheroes of sorts (Inglorious Basters and Ra One). Pitt and SRK have carried all these superbly among a plethora or others. At the current stage, both are the frontmen of their industries; however with increasing wrinkles and stiff competition, it is only a matter of time before they get displaced from their pedestals. The only question is, whose rock-solid six-pack becomes history first?

Verdict: As I said before, I am speaking entirely from the perspective of someone else; not my own, I am a big Brad Pitt fan.

Al Pacino – Amitabh Bachchan

It is rare for anyone to get as large a following as Mr. Amitabh Bachchan, but if there is one actor who deserves it, it definitely is Al Pacino. While Mr. Bachchan was known as the angry young man, Mr. Pacino who gave some of the most ‘angry-young-man’ performances in Dog Day Afternoon, The Godfather and the like. The two have been a force in their fiefdoms, growing with their supporters, characters and movies. Both have had their fair share of rumours and past-life controversies, yet nothing has dented their public image. They still remain the gentlemen that they always were.


Verdict:
There are some things you just don’t pass verdicts about.

Lindsay Lohan – Rakhi Sawant

We regret to inform you that the author committed suicide by attempting to swallow a live cow at this stage due to over-exposure to retardism during his research. He died because of lactose intolerance and not due to choking, asphyxiation, indigestion, constipation or any other cow-swallowing related deaths.

No comments.


Verdict: And if the author were alive, he probably would have committed suicide again.

  • Rajdip

    There are several comparisons and verdicts in this article that I disagree with.
    1. Rakhi Sawant can be aptly described in only word- Obnoxious. I dont think Lindsay can reach Rakhi’s absurdity even if she tries. And for her to try, she has to be sober first.
    2. Bruce Willis and Salman Khan?? You are comparing the guy who played Butch in Pulp Fiction to the guy who played Prem in… umm lets see… Ready, No Entry, Hum Saath Saath Hain, Judwa, amongst many more?!?! Clearly Salman has a sense of monotony attached to him which would be hard to encounter by any human standards.
    3. Brad Pitt and SRK- One  of my personal favourite actors versus someone whom i wouldnt bother calling an actor. I fail to understand the comparison between Inglorious Basterds and Ra.One or their respective roles. For starters, Inglorious Basterds didnt make me throw up.

    I do agree with the Katrina-Megan comparison though. Both are absolutely beautiful mannequins. Amitabh and Al Pacino, again as you rightly pointed out, are legends in their own rights and are beyond comparison. Also, Aamir and Caprio, the similarities are uncanny, though I wouldn’t compare. I think both are individually quite brilliant.

    • http://psychocritic.blogspot.com/ Psycho Critic

      1. Lohan can be described in one too – obnoxious. She’s been arrested, taken drugs, involved in hit and runs among tons of other things, that would undoubtedly change your opinion about her if you knew of them. 
      2. There was a time, when Salman, like Willis, was good. Take Andaz Apna Apna. Agreed that it wasn’t even close to Pulp Fiction, but it was is good as Bollywood gets. But now both have begun making action movies that are a sacrilege to their previous selves. So that comparison does stand justified. 
      3. Pitt and SRK were the crowned kings of their respective fiefdoms at a time, and still are in the opinion of many. My first line already says  that it isn’t my personal view, but that I have made this comparison with a general perspective. 

      Anyway, everyone’s entitled to an opinion. I’m just trying to explain what I meant. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/ralhi Akshay Singh Ralhi

    I don’t know what Bruce Willis action movies you have been seeing, but RED is one of the better ones in recent times, albeit it didn’t really follow the comic it was based on. Even Cop Out was an entertainer for God’s sake. 

    Brad Pitt has been brilliant throughout. And the thing with Hollywood is that there are no kings there, talent is what keeps actors in business. And idiotic teens that obsess over hot bodies.

    Again, superhero of sorts in Inglorious Basterd*s? Ha. Not.

    Lindsay Lohan isn’t a retard. Rakhi Sawant is.

    Everything else is indeed agreeable and makes sense.