Merry Christmas
(w)HO(re) (w)HO(re) (w)HO(re)!!
Don’t do it. You know what I’m talking about. The only reason you’re planning to attend this party is so you get a chance at getting laid. It’s a terrible reason. You are a better human being than that, surely. No, this title is not gender-specific. It applies to you too, man. It’s just convenient that the words rhyme.
Isn’t this just the best time of the year?
That feeling to get a ‘warm Christmas glow’ is not new. I searched around a little bit and humans have historically been crazy enough to party mid-winter! It’s because most of the harvest work used to be done and there wasn’t anything to do but feast. Ah, food.
From Ozzy Osbourne to Frank Sinatra to Billy Gibbons to Taylor Swift to Flo Rida to Psy, this month has given us some truly outstanding musicians along with musicians whose songs make you stand outside the door, concert and the world in general.
Ever wondered what a New Year party in 1500s would be like?
Women would discuss Shakespeare’s moustache. People would be reluctant to invite Da Vinci to their house party labeling him ‘the guy who drew a painting with no eyebrows’. Michelangelo would be in the corner boasting about something he sketched on the roof of a huge-ass church. The Pope would refuse to invite Copernicus, so he asked them to shove it and formed a cool new society of his own. Akbar and Suleiman were so busy expanding their empires, they just declared the New Year whenever they felt like; it came twice every year.
I’ve never been able to comprehend how starting a New Year barely conscious, nauseous and with a headache counts as being a good start.
Until I was 7 (Ah, who am I kidding? I still crack that joke) I used to call Santa Claus one of the clauses in the English language. You know – dependent clause, independent clause, Santa Claus? Screw you, it’s a nice joke.
What would you like Santa to give you this year? If you said something like a new phone or a tab, think again. Ask him to give you a reality check this year. A little bit of self-awareness going into the New Year will do wonders instead of a shiny new screen on which the human race is whiling away time shooting birds into brick walls. (Grotesque and savage, no?)
How many of us know stories from our friends’ childhood (either because they told you, or you spent it with them)? I’d say a whole lot of us.
How many of us know stories from our parents’ childhood? It’s easy to see them as old and boring people who never did anything fun, but if you give them a chance, they’ll surprise you with their tales. There’ll be a plethora of chances to celebrate Christmas Eves and New Year parties with friends, for the simple reason that we’re a lot younger than our parents. Let that feeling sink in.
Hey I’m not trying to bring you down! I’m just suggesting people try something different this year. No loud parties and hangovers to begin the New Year with, instead a few good stories, nice food and a retrospection of what 2013 has been, maybe?
All you fans (fuses?) of dfuse.in have been here with us for another year. You’ve been patient with us (sometimes so patient, you almost didn’t ‘like’ our self-proclaimed awesome articles and playlists), never complaining (not commenting, hmph), but we love you anyway. We are like the bahus of Indian television, you can go read your 9gags and Oatmeals, but we’ll still accept you with open arms.
We promise to be even more terrible and intolerable next year, so you can continue to love us the way you do. The dfuse.in team wishes you all a Merry Christmas ! (Happy New Year is still a few days away)
Spread the joy, not your legs!
P.S. Since no Christmas article is complete without a Christmas carol, here’s one for the infidels!
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About the Author: Akhil Sanjiva
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